Crying

Here I was all concerned that the biggest test in my new relationship would be the first big argument. Wrong...it was the first time I heard her cry.

No...I didn't make her cry...it was just some rotten stuff that happened to her at work. That's probably all the worse because there was nothing I could do to make it better, or make it go away. All I could do was just kinda be there; wanting to help, asking to help, but basically realizing that it was pointless to try and help. Most of that comes from both of us being pretty emotionally independent for the last several years. We had to be...to survive. I see that little survival method as a hinderance for getting closer to each other. It's a little bit of territory neither of us is willing to trust to the other just now.

ahhh...this is complicated and I'm having difficulty writing about it...but just had to try

Roy Orbison is singing in my head.

Monday Cat Blogging

I never can figure out why weekends zip by so fast. Every Friday I'm thinking to myself....oh boy, a whole couple of days to catch up on all the stuff I need to do. Sleep, eat, maybe do a bit of housecleaning, perhaps even spend lotsa quality snuggle time with my favorite person. Then, like some type of weird time warp, I find myself facing Monday morning and wondering were the last two days went.

ah well

This weekend had a bit of a surprise for me. Just to remind me that divorce is the gift that keeps on giving, I received a bill left over from that rotten marriage. Toward the end, when the ex was trying to explain how mentally fucked up I was, she hauled me into a shrink for marriage counseling. We went once and she explained how she wanted desperately to save our marriage and all the stuff I had to change about myself. The next time, she just told me I had to move out and left...kinda stunning both me and the therapist. Anyway, the bill for those pointless visits was something that...yet again....I supposedly paid for but in which she took the money and spent on something else for herself. She hid the debt during the divorce settlement to avoid paying half. A collection agency contacted me and is threatening to sue unless I pony up the entire amount immediately.

Live and learn. Thank God I didn't have children with that woman.

Bush's Days are Numbered

In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.
--- George Orwell

America is beginning to awaken.

What is it going to take?

For years, scientists have been telling us that our civilization is directly effecting the climate. Not really much in the grand scheme of the planet which has gone through drastic changes over the past few billion years....but significant change that impact us as a species. I sit and watch the news as a category 5 hurricane (bigger than Katrina) heads toward my beloved Texas. Houston, home of our latest mass of evacuees, is in turn being evacuated.

We are losing our coastal cities. One after the other. What will it take to shake us out of our denial and come to terms with what is going on here? Will we lose another few cities? Become of country of refugee camps for those displaced by environmental disasters? Depend on humanitarian food aid when our heartland reverts to a wasteland?

We have a government that has sold us out. We have seen our country carved up and given over to greed. Liberal, conservative...it doesn't matter. We are all expendable in the corporate scheme to bleed us dry. In the end, we will all be tossed aside while our leaders enclose themselves in the security of wealth and power.

What's it going to take?

Wake up!

Morning is the hardest

My usual habit is to drink lotsa coffee and smoke lotsa cigarettes to jump start my brain in the mornings. This morning, I had my usual coffee but settled for slapping a patch on my upper arm. Not quite the same as lighting up that first cig of the day...but I'm managing. One day at a time.

Monday Cat Blogging

Today is the day I try to quit smoking. I've decided to try the patches for a couple of weeks and, if I can, go cold turkey from the patches and get myself nicotine free afterwards. I have mixed feelings about quitting. On the one hand, I have to admit that I like smoking. I must...I've done it for years and spent a shitload of money on the habit. I like the feel of smoking. I like having it to wake up, finish a meal, to break up the day, to calm myself, to energize myself, to focus, to relax. Wonderful drug, tobacco. I guess that's why it's been all the rage in the past few centuries.

Yet, last evening I had a reminder of why I need to give this drug up. While doing some grocery shopping with Vicki, I started feeling really lousy. Not exactly sick...but real weird. A strange type of indigestion and just a general feeling of pressure in my lower chest. I was going through the signs of a heart attack in my mind and honestly wondering if, maybe, I was about to have one. It made me think about where I am heading if I continue. If I keep smoking....I will have a heart attack at the very least. Possibly something much nastier. I may well have already done damage to my body with smoking over the last thirty years...I can't do anything about that...but I can try to avoid making things worse.

I hate quitting cigarettes. I already miss them. Still.. I think I might miss being alive, or being able to breath without the aid of a oxygen tank, a bit more.

Praize da Lawd!

At long last, it's Friday. It has been a stressful week due to an upcoming inspection of the agency where I work. Without going into detail...it's one of those things that make upper management psychotic with picking nits and pretty much drives all the peons to postal employee level anxiety. But it's Friday, it's Friday, yippee, yippee, yay!

I'm still working toward quitting the cigarette habit. Right now, with the stuff going on at work, I don't think it would be a good idea. I need the nicotine drug to help me cope through it and I don't have time to develop an addiction to alcohol or heroin. In thinking about how to kick my habit, nicotine patches or cold turkey, I'm leaning toward a suggestion given to me by a friend...do both. The idea is to use the patches for a couple of weeks in order to adjust to the psychological aspects of not smoking, then quitting the patches and deal with the physical effects of withdrawal. The way my life works...I think that this may be what works for me.

Still considering another BFL challenge. I just want to get off these damn cancer sticks first.

Monday Cat Blogging

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

e.e. cummings

Consistency

Timeline

Evidently, I was wrong about the impression I had of Bush not leaping into action and showing leadership while America lost it's first city. View this Daily Show clip to see just how on the ball our President really was during the disaster.

Just makes you feel warm all over to know our great nation is in such capable hands.

Monday Cat Blogging

Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know it's Tuesday, but even spoiled rotten cats took the day off yesterday.



I'm finding myself slipping back into bad old eating habits. I don't seem to have quite the appetite for junk food anymore, but I'm not eating during half the day....which means I eat like a starving buzzard for the other half. This worked well when I was young and my metabolism was going full steam all the time. Now that I'm just a wee bit older, it all just accumulates around my waist to sag and jiggle.

Short of addicting myself to crack or meth, about the only way to increase my metabolism is to exercise. I have to admit that the primary reason I don't exercise with the intensity needed to boost my metabolism is smoking. I want to quit. Hell...I need to quit. I've been pondering how to quit this nasty habit and am torn between two different methods.

One is using the nicotine patch. I've used them before and, though I never ended up a non-smoker afterwards, it did help me while I was wearing them. The cravings are under control and I can go to work without any significant problems. The bad thing about them was that the little suckers are expensive, they tend to fall off in hot/humid weather, and once I stop putting them on I'm back on the cigs.

The other is cold turkey. All the education I've had about addiction tells me that this is the only way to go....purge the body of the addictive chemical then deal with the psychological attachments to the drug. The thing is, I still have to function. I have to go to work, focus on my tasks, and not jump all over people because of my mood. I don't have the luxury of detoxing for a couple of days. Then there's the fact that I'll most likely gain a few unwanted pounds during the process.

So, I'm asking for some advice from anybody that cares to give it. What should I do?

Happy Labor Day

If you have this day off from your job or are at your job and making some overtime pay....you can give thanks to all those nasty commie lovin' lefties. Thanks to those pinkos, we all have an enourmous amount of freedom to choose where we work, what type of work we do, have little fear of being maimed or killed at our jobs, and do not have to devote every aspects of our lives to the factory. I wonder how many rightwingers are working today out of devotion to their principles of a plutocracy.

On another note...it looks as if the hurricane death toll might go up to 10,000...possibly many more. Look for our bushwackied government to hide and spin most of the news about all of this, as well as bump into each other trying to hide from any responsibility for their lack of action during this disaster. I expect that Bush will tell us all that Saddam has a global weather control machine in his cell and caused the hurricane....so we'll be invading Venezuela shortly.

Welcome to the Jungle

We seem to be getting a small taste of just how our government will respond in case of a terrorist attack. One city hit by a natural disaster and total anarchy breaks out. No local guard units to assist....most of them are in Iraq. No real government response until the clamor of the entire country shames them into taking some type of action and suggesting that el presidente cut short his vacation a couple of days and return to his office....most likely to check out Condi's new shoes.

Goddammit!

Can you imagine if we get hit with a terrorist attack right about now? The whole country would turn into something that would make what's happening right now in New Orleans look like an afternoon tea party. We have no troops to protect us. There is no government plan for evacuation or medical response. It will be, literally, every man for himself.

And I can promise you that our fearless leaders will take care of themselves quite well while the rest of us burn.

We need to get rid of this administration....fast. The president has shown time and time again that he is completely incapable of handling his job. This goes well beyond politics, folks. Bush is a direct danger to our nation. It's time for patriots of both parties to demand an end to this. We all did it with Nixon. It's even more imperative that we do so now.

Good Lord!

Every time I read the news about New Orleans it seems to be worse. It's no longer the law of the jungle down there....there is no law at all, just absolute anarchy.

People...THIS is why we have a National Guard.... to serve our nation when we need them, not to fight in some bullshit war for a bullshit politician who couldn't pour piss out of his boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.

Happy with the New America?

Pray for those in the South reduced to fighting for their very survival tonight. Pray that enough wake up before you join them.